Tuesday, February 17, 2015

My Spawn

My kids are getting older.  And to be completely honest,  I'm kinda stoked about it. It makes life so much easier! 

Except that I really believe that some evil demonic life force has invaded their bodies and shows it's hateful face quite regularly. Some days they are fun and nice and just all around good kids! But most days, they just kinda suck. Did I say most days? Cause I really meant to say was all days.

 If only you could hear what goes on in this house. You too would believe that some type of evil has moved in.

Yep, I am now the proud owner of 5 Banshees and a Gremlin.

5 super moody sarcastic Banshees...

Here's a couple of examples that have happened recently...

Hayden, she's.....

Ok, she is my most annoying kid that I have. (whatever, you all have one kid that annoys you more) She only knows how to have a conversation at a screaming level. She's SUPER loud!!! And she doesn't ever ever ever EVER stop talking. And gets right up in your face to do it.  Oh, she is also my biggest whiner... But we forgive her cause she's super cute.  Anyways, one day she was asking (screaming) for something and it went like this:

Haynie: "MOM CAN I HAVE BLAH BLAH BLAH?!?!?!?!?!!?"

Me:" Not right now, maybe a little later..."

Haynie: (lowers voice into deep whisper) "You are dead to me."

Me: Just stares at her as she runs off...

Clearly it's a sign! Call a priest right away!

Ashlee, my animal loving vegan hippie (she's only vegan on certain days... she's confused) She came into this world so happy!! She now ranks #2 on the most annoying list. She's super sarcastic and will fight you to the death for the rights of her animals. (2 dogs, 2 cats, and 2 rats) She hasn't hit the level of sarcastic righteousness of Reese (that's a tall tree to climb), but does it in her own way that is still annoying.

Me: "Ash! I told you to put the freaking dishes away!"

Ash: (not caring and rolling her eyes) "oops"
turns and walks off

Me: "I guess I'm going to forget to feed you dinner tonight. Oops."

Ash: sneers at me and laughs it off

Me: Finds whatever I can find near me and throws it at her, 5 points if it hits her head.

Please allow me to pull my inner Rodney Dangerfield out, straighten my tie and bug my eyes and scream "I GET NO RESPECT AROUND HERE!!!"

OK, I will admit some blame in this. I did give them 50% of my sarcastic personality... BUT it's another sign!!! She's possessed.

They are all possessed.

And now they are wailing and gnashing their teeth because I haven't fed them lunch yet.